The Space Monkey Uses Hissy Cat

It's super effective.

This is Daisy Doomsayer.

Channeling Shub-Niggurath.

She's called Daisy Doomsayer not simply for alliterative purposes, nor for cryptic purposes. No, her situation, as with the other two cats was literal.

Omens and portents.

Diego de la Sofa is so named because of the remarkable effect he had on black couch slipcovers. The Minion Underfoot is the cat who will stand behind you in the kitchen while you cook.

Daisy is the cat who will predict your suffering.

Caused by her.
(As an aside, The Minion in the background always amuses me)

Daisy was advertised to us as being a very sweet cat, well-adjusted, gets along well with people and pets. The reason she was advertised this way is that sometimes, in order to hurt someone very badly, you have to tell them horrible lies.

I just use claws.

She is the third of the cats to arrive at my home. Diego arrived in 2004, The Minion in 2006, and Daisy in 2009. Before she arrived, she had to be transported from Kentucky to MD-DPR. This itself was an adventure for the Space Monkey.

Daisy is her first cat. She was given the cat by the aforementioned horrible liars, who may have moved to Montreal and changed their names. After receiving said precious cargo, she called me and told me the cat was very pretty.

And very evil.

According to the Space Monkey's first experiences with her, she was a foot assassin, she hissed a lot, and she would swipe at you after you pet her for a few moments.

Sometimes she just gave you the silent treatment.

The day she was to be transported (picture Hannibal Lecter being carted into the interview room), I received a call from the Space Monkey advising me that she may not make it. I was a bit surprised, but I listened. It went something like this: "I tried *sniff* to get her in the *sniff* cat carrier *sniff* but she twisted on me and I had to let her go!"

I laughed.

"WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?!"

I may have laughed harder.

Eventually, I was able to control myself and explain that I myself had this experience with my beloved Diego once.

Shortly after she hung up with me that time, I received another call. "I was sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed trying to find her, and she appeared on the bed right behind me."

Just...don't...move....

She was able to cage the wild beast and get her past the secret police checkpoints. Anyone who has ever transported a cat for long distances knows what this is like. The cat meows for the first 20 minutes and then quiets down until you get to a rest area. Rinse, repeat, etc.

In the end, she came home and hissed at The Minion, whom she still hates. She also hissed at me when I tried to pet her. She hissed at the Space Monkey if she said the words, "Bitsy Baby!" In general, she hissed a lot.

And then she spent the next few months interrupting my thesis research.

You weren't using this. No, really, you weren't using this.